Where ARE You?
The Circle of Life: Beginnings, Endings, and Beginnings: Learning the Art of the Pivot
This is a question we’re getting asked quite often lately. And it’s true; we haven’t even opened this blog since December of last year! We have been in 10 countries since then, so there is a huge gap in our blogging! We have greatly missed writing as it gives us great joy, so opening my computer just now and clicking “New Post” brought a big smile to my heart, and I feel so happy to be writing once again.
Recently, we watched the final episode of a miniseries we found on Netflix called “Transatlantic”, a historical drama about the Emergency Rescue Committee that operated in Marseilles, Spain, and Portugal in 1940 after the fall of France. Fabulous series. At the end, they have an add-on piece about how they made the film, and the creator talks about how difficult it was to condense this vast and layered story into six short episodes. We can relate! To capture the full story of all that has happened in our lives over the past seven months would require a book with many long chapters, meaning we’d likely NEVER write it! Instead, we are putting together a condensed summary in this post which means it will be a bit longer, but we’ll be able to catch up with ourselves and get back to blogging as we go.
This blog was created for three reasons: First and foremost, it is for US; it is a way for us to capture our observations, thoughts, and reflections about all that we’re experiencing during this season of our lives–sort of like a personal journal. Second, it is for my dear friends at Brookdale Senior Living - residents and staff - who made sure I understood, when I retired from my position there, that they were seriously interested in following our journey. My Brookdale family played a large role in helping us make the decision to do what we’re doing, and they remain genuinely interested in hearing all about our paths. I keep up with them and follow their stories as they follow ours.
And, third, the blog is for anyone else who is interested in hearing about what we’re up to and/or learning a little bit about the different countries/cultures we’re experiencing. We also hope to inspire those who are dreaming of traveling that it IS possible! So here we are again! And we thank YOU for being here too!
The title for this last season of our lives would be “The Circle of Life - Beginnings, Endings, and Beginnings”, and the tagline would be: “Learning the Art of the Pivot”. Life truly is full of beginnings, final endings, and new beginnings. Life - Death - New Life. Volumes have been written on this topic. And it is certainly a theme we’ve seen in our own lives since we left Vietnam back in November and headed to Delhi, India for the birth of our granddaughter, Mercy Olive Hoecke. By the way, all of you grandparents who have always told us how awesome it is to be grandparents were absolutely correct! It is truly one of the greatest gifts that brings joy to your heart every single day!
Mercy was born in the early morning hours of December 9 in Delhi. Despite being pregnant and giving birth far away from her homeland in a chaotic, not-so-clean city where birthing philosophies are different from in the U.S. , Emily, with husband Franklin’s help, was a champ and took on the challenge with the greatest courage and determination. It wasn’t easy, and there were lots of ups and downs along the way but, in the end, God provided a wonderful doctor and a very nice hospital for them to bring Mercy into the world, and Duane and I had the great delight of being able to be there for the grand event.
We follow several other people who are living this unconventional way, and one of them recently talked about “mastering the art of the pivot”. As you all know, life often throws curve balls. We can make plans, but none of us knows the future, thus successfully navigating this life on earth requires being able to master the art of the pivot; ie., being flexible, adaptable, and chill about unexpected twists and turns that inevitably show up on your path. You’re going one way, thinking you’ll be doing such and such, then a curve ball is thrown at you, and you must pivot and determine the different path you should take. We’ve experienced heaps of small curve balls along the journey, but the turn of the calendar to 2024 brought with it some very big, unexpected, and wildly impactful curve balls.
Our plan all along was to be continuously “on the road” for as long as we were physically able to; spending 3-6 weeks in each country we visited, booking Airbnbs in the community in order to get to know the people and experience the culture of the city/state/country we were in. We traveled to countries in the Eastern hemisphere for the first five months knowing that, in December, we would want to be in India for the birth of our granddaughter. We planned to head over to the other side of the globe in early 2024 after Mercy’s birth, but a few things happened along the way that brought about a pivot in direction.
In the blog post from September 9, “Surprised by Penang”, we mention stopping in Malaysia for a short visit and discovering we really liked it. We liked it so much that one day we decided to contact a realtor and have a look at rental properties! Much to our surprise, we found out we could rent a very nice condo for about what we’d pay for two weeks of groceries in the States, so we decided to set up a base in Penang for the next year or two, giving us the freedom to travel to different countries without having to schlep around so much luggage and providing a nice place for us to return to for rest and recouping in between trips. PIVOT! We hadn’t seen this one coming, but it’s turned out to be a very good decision. We signed a lease and set up the condo to make it comfortable and homey making it a place we look forward to returning to. It’s a 3 bdr/2 bath, with an ocean view and a pool. There is plenty of room for guests, so the invitation is open for you to come watch the sunsets from our balcony!
We had signed the lease on the apartment before going to Vietnam and India so, after Mercy was born and we enjoyed two wonderful weeks of being with her and her parents in Delhi, we flew back to Penang to move into our new apartment. Mind you, there were no moving trucks involved in this move as all of our earthly possessions were stored in six suitcases (with a red tutu, of course!) The apartment was semi-furnished, meaning it had beds in all the bedrooms, a dining table/chairs, a sofa, some lighting fixtures, and some kitchen utensils and cookware. With the help of IKEA in Penang and H&M Home in Delhi, we were able to make it feel like home and be ready for guests within one week. We had to get the bulk of it done quickly because we were preparing for our very first guest . . . our youngest daughter, Jessie!
It’d been six months since we’d seen Jessie face-to-face, and we missed her terribly, so we brought her out to Penang right after the beginning of the new year. What a grand time we had! Jessie loved Penang, and we loved having her with us. Every day was filled with going out and exploring Penang, enjoying the amazing food Penang had to offer, and digging into lots of great conversations together. Jessie felt right at home in Malaysia and loved its beauty, culture, food, and lifestyle. She is currently working on a degree in Political Science at Texas State University in San Marcos and had to get back for the start of the spring semester, so the 10 days we had with her seemed way to short. Little did we know we would be seeing her again in just a month and a half.
On the morning of January 14, the three of us were preparing for Jessie to fly back to the States, and Duane was putting together a letter and some photos to send back with her for his brother, Bryan. Just as he was finishing the letter and packing everything into a large envelope to go in Jessie’s suitcase, he received a message through Facebook Messenger from one of his cousins that Bryan had passed away on January 6! This news brought about a huge and unexpected pivot for us. We were planning to travel throughout several European countries in the first quarter of the new year, but the loss of Duane’s brother changed everything. PIVOT!
Duane is the only remaining member of his immediate family. His brother, Bryan, was 71. He’d had serious health problems for many years, but had managed to continue to serve his country in a civilian capacity providing intel for the U.S. government on North Korea and other “bad boys” as an employee of the National Geospatial Intelligence Agency (NGA) in northern Virginia almost to the end of his life.
If you’ve never heard of NGA, check out their website because they are one super cool, very important agency that is helping keep our nation safe. They “keep an eye on” hotspots around the globe providing intelligence for the United States government and, in particular, the Joint Chiefs. Bryan had worked for them for many years after serving in the United States Army for 22 years. We’d known he worked for NGA as an intelligence analyst, but that was about all we knew because he couldn’t talk about what he did.
For many years he had an office in the Pentagon, which we thought was pretty cool, but what he did there was a mystery to us. Duane had visited him several times in northern Virginia, and Bryan even drove him around the outside of NGA’s slick new building in Springfield, VA, but what went on inside that building was top secret, so we had no idea what exactly Bryan did for work.
The last time Duane saw Bryan in person was 2016.
From January 31 until April 10, we were in Washington D.C. and northern Virginia navigating the unchartered territory of closing out Bryan’s estate. When we left Penang, we had no idea what we were facing nor how long we would be in the U.S. Duane was appointed Administrator of the Estate by the court of Virginia since Bryan died with no will, and we found ourselves tasked with many responsibilities for which we had no experience, no one to guide us, in a state that was not our own, and without knowing a single person in the area except for my cousin and his wife, Jim and Kara Ball, who turned out to be angels in disguise. God knew just what we needed, though, and He provided every single thing along the journey.
We could write a book about that whole experience; it was so incredible to be utterly clueless about how to get all the things done that we were required to do and to be stretched to the max through all of it but to see God’s provision every step along the way. The first big miracle was provision of housing for the duration of this project. Jim and Kara were angels and offered a room in their home for us for as long as we needed it so we didn’t have to pay for a hotel! Amazing! Can you imagine having houseguests for 2.5 months???
Jim and Kara have a beautiful gift of gracious hospitality. Several years ago, they purchased a home in Vienna, VA, and selected a property that is an 8-minute walk from the train station which goes into DC, specifically with the plan of setting up a space that would be good for housing guests who wanted to visit Washington, D.C. The four of us enjoyed many special times together, including celebrating Easter Sunday gathered around the dining table with Kara’s siblings and their husbands. Having family there to help us with this major undertaking was a huge gift.
We faced multiple hurdles which we never dreamed we’d be tackling and, each time, God met us and brought provision. Finding an attorney, dealing with the Fairfax County Court, finding a realtor who could help us sell Bryan’s house, finding someone to help us with filing his taxes, finding a funeral home to work with, making decisions about Bryan’s funeral and burial and having awesome people help us at each turn, cleaning out his house (the biggest hurdle of all), figuring out his business affairs with no roadmap, figuring out what to do with all of his belongings, carrying out all of the assignments the State of Virginia required of us — all of this on top of dealing with the grief and loss of Duane’s only sibling — would not have been possible had it not been for angels and heroes God provided each and every day.
Probably the most impactful part of this whole experience was the people who became part of the story. For example, Bryan’s nextdoor neighbor, Nancy, who had befriended him and helped him once he became disabled by buying groceries, bringing his mail, running errands, mowing his yard, and just being kind to him. She became a good friend to us as well as we worked at the house every day and enjoyed some meals with her. Then there were the realtors who helped us sell Bryan’s house. Two women who worked as a team, they were both former school teachers so, of course, there was an instant connection. They were an incredible help to us, providing suggestions for where to donate things and helping us understand and carry out the various aspects of selling Bryan’s house from clean out to closing.
Going through this time of such intensity emotionally as well as physically, we definitely needed Christian community. God led us to a precious Anglican fellowship called Truro Anglican Church in northern Virginia. Once again, we were welcomed with open arms and treated as family. Our time in the States passed through Easter season, so we are forever grateful to have had the fellowship at Truro to join with for all of the events of Easter Week. The friendships we developed at Truro will remain with us forever, and we look forward to visiting there as often as possible.
And then there were the incredible folks at National Geospatial Intelligence Agency, Bryan’s colleagues. Oh my goodness, they were some of the most kind, helpful, loving, and caring people we’ve ever met. From the first phone call with Bryan’s boss, to the phone call with the agency chaplain, to his team supervisor and teammates, every single one of them treated us with great kindness and love. They made us feel like family. And they made it very clear to us that Bryan was respected, valued, and loved by the entire department! They told us so many stories and examples of contributions Bryan had made to the success of the agency and the benefit he was to U.S. security! We were truly blown away by the kindness and love the team at NGA extended to us.
They put together this beautiful memorial service in an auditorium at NGA (we and the few guests we invited had to go through stringent security clearance to be able to get in the building!).
They honored Bryan with one of the most beautiful services we’ve ever seen. Even the head of the entire agency, Vice Admiral Frank Whitworth, met with us privately before the service and knelt before Duane during the service and extended the American flag to him in remembrance of Bryan’s service to our country.
They sent two different teams to help us go through all of Bryan’s stuff and clear out the house.
They answered our many, many questions with patience and grace.
They conveyed to us that we mattered to them.
Several of them even drove out to Quantico National Cemetery to attend the memorial service we had on our own. If they hadn’t come, it would have been just Duane and I there to watch Bryan’s cremains be put into the ground! Instead, we were surrounded by these dear souls who loved their colleague and cared about us.
We will never forget these incredible humans who made a challenging journey much more bearable. They were truly angels sent from Heaven just at the right time. And we know Bryan would have been very happy to see us finally get to see his world and meet his people!
Being in the U.S. gave us an unexpected opportunity to make a visit to Texas! We could hardly wait to see friends and family. We got some great time with my mom at her new home, Discovery Villages at Dominion in San Antonio. It was good to see her doing so well. We weren’t surprised that she was already making new friends and fitting right in. We got to enjoy lunch with my sister and brother-in-law as well. Thankful for these times with family.
We got to hang out with Laurie and Connie Vik for several days as they graciously opened their home to us. They are dear, dear friends we’ve known for many years and always enjoy being with.
My joy bucket got filled multiple times as I got to visit my precious friend, Laura Clark, and spend time at Brookdale Westlake Hills. Laura and I made a quick girls trip to Galveston and enjoyed talking and talking and talking! Sooooooo much fun! I got the special treat of being able to lead a couple activities at Brookdale and hug the necks of many of the residents there. I do miss working there, not gonna lie! Duane and I even got to go to the rodeo with a group of folks from Brookdale! How about that?!
We knew for our own mental and emotional health it was important to take breaks from the daily business of cleaning out Bryan’s house and dealing with all his stuff, so we took a day off now and then and went into D.C. We loved the museums. I think one of my favorites was the National Portrait Gallery. We hit the tail end of cherry blossom season, so they weren’t the best, but at least we got to see them. And extra treats came in the form of friends from Texas who happened to be in D.C.! We traveled from Malaysia to D.C. and got to see friends from Austin!
The 9/11 Memorial at the Pentagon was incredible. Very moving. You can see where the plane hit the building, and they have created a memorial inside as well as the large one outside. There are 184 concrete memorial benches representing each of the lives lost that day - either on the plane or in the building - and they are laid out chronologically according to age. The youngest was a 3-year-old who was on the plane. The oldest was a 71-year old retired Navy captain who was also on the plane.
By the way, if you’re interested in learning more about what happened at the Pentagon on 9/11, check out this very interesting report with diagrams and images that was published by the Pentagon. It’s astounding.
The Vietnam Memorial was another place I’d been wanting to see for a long time. Duane had been there already, but he wanted to be sure I got to see it this time as well. So moving.
The FDR Memorial was probably one of my favorites. It is so well done. Also very moving. These places are all so important to help us remember and to educate the generations to come. We were glad to see a number of young people visiting all of these places.
Right at the end of our time in DC/Northern VA, we had the HUGE blessing of getting to have Jessie come join us for 4 days! She was able to get away from school and work for that short time and come be with us. She’s aspiring to get into foreign service (Secretary of State, Jessie Devereaux!), so we took her to visit Georgetown University and check out their Masters in Foreign Service program.
On her last day with us, the three of us were given a very precious gift to share. We had ordered Bryan’s tombstone at the time of his burial, and the good folks at Quantico National Cemetery told us it would probably take up to 45 days for it to be ready. The day before Jessie left DC to return to Austin, we took her out to see Bryan’s grave. Lo and behold, the tombstone was there! It was set up and waiting for us to see it! This was such a powerful moment for the three of us since Jessie had been with us the day we found out Bryan had passed and now she was with us as we bid our farewell to him.
We began our journey back to Penang two days later.
Singapore Airlines has a direct flight from Washington Dulles to London and a direct flight from London to Singapore then a hop-skip flight over to Penang, so of course we took those! I’d been to London a couple of times, but Duane had never been there, so we quickly put together bookings and plans for a 5-night stay in London and Oxford on our way back to Penang. Taking the “hop on/hop off” bus tour was a perfect way to get an overview of the city, then we took some close up walking tours of some of the particular places we wanted to see. I got terribly sick on our venture out to Oxford, so that kind of clouded our time there, but overall we had a wonderful time. A highlight was getting to see Les Mis at one of the old theaters in Central London and attending Evensong service at Westminster Abbey!
We arrived back in Penang April 18, exactly 81 days since we flew to the U.S. Whew! It was good to be back in our apartment, to see our friends, and to enjoy the beauty of Penang and its people. We spent a few weeks unpacking and unplugging from all we’d just been through for the past 2.5+ months. It was a lot to process, as you can imagine. Friends Mark and Cindy Weir, Ross and Cathy Brown, and Ron and Janine Parish were super helpful as they let us tell the many stories about all that happened. Every one of us needs a good listening ear we can trust, amen? We were so grateful to be able to process everything with them.
In May we made a two-week trip to Bali, Indonesia, to visit our dear friends Ross & Cathy Brown and Ron and Janine Parish. Ross & Cathy are from Australia, but they own a villa in Bali, so we get to connect with them there from time-to-time. Ross and Duane worked together at Sekolah Pelita Harapan in Jakarta, Indonesia many moons ago. We have kept in touch over the years thanks to Facebook! Ron and Janine are dear friends and our former pastor from our church in Austin, Hope in the City. They live in Bali as well. Times with them are always so special and fulfilling.
And now, we will close this blog post with where we began . . . the gift of our precious granddaughter, Mercy Olive Hoecke. At the time of writing this post, she is now 6 months old!!!!!! Hard to believe! She is 100% delight, and we are crazy in love with her. She’s a perfect blend of her parents, Emily and Franklin, both physically and in personality. While it is not easy being separated from them by such long distance, Emily does a phenomenal job of sending us photos/videos of Mercy . . . almost daily! We are so thankful for this. Duane and I love being grandparents, and we are looking forward to every stage of her life and getting to be by her side as “Pops and Noonie” as often as we can.
In her lifespan of 6 months, Mercy has spent 1/3 of it in India, 1/3 of it in Kenya, and the rest in Albania, Germany, and points beyond. In one week from now, they will make a 3-month visit to the U.S., so many of you will soon get to meet her in person! Yay! That girl is already quite the global citizen!
If you’re still reading this, CONGRATULATIONS! You have made it to the end! Whew! We had to bring the blog up-to-date since our long hiatus so we can move forward with regular updates. Thank you for reading all the way through! You’re a super hero!
I’m finishing writing this post on June 28. I can’t believe how long it’s been since we last wrote a post. It does feel fantastic to be blogging once more. We’re on the road again, but hopefully it won’t be too long before our next post, which will be from . . .
Can you guess?
